It's been exactly a year since I lost my son to senseless violence. In this year I learn and went through all of the five stages of grief. moved from a place I lived for thirty years, and went back to work and handled myself so well that people were asking me how did I do it.
I have been through death before losing my mom and most of the elders in my family but the lost of a child is a death that never ever goes away. While the memories of your love ones stay with you they managed to get accepted and you move on with your life.
The lost of my son is always there in my memories, when I see other children, grocery shopping, clothes, haircuts, music, places, birthdays, holidays,family, and friends who have their children and grew up with him.
My heart goes out to every mother or father who has lost a child naturally and especially
violently. I know to well the pain that your going through and the hell you are now living the thing that helped me most was my sister who lost her son a year earlier and we both while it was sad were able to share in what that felt like a bond my other family members had no idea of thank god. I had no idea what she went through watching her son slowly leave her due to illness or what she was about to go through once he was gone.
The way I am dealing with it is by the grace of my higher power and crying sprouts at different times and places i.e. train, the mind is a terrible place when you are locked in on the stages of grief. It makes you think about all of the things you thought was important not for your children to do such as have children of their own and then realize you don't even have a grandchild and never will.
Although, I had such a devastion in my life I do have my daughter who is and still mourning the lost of her brother while trying to stay strong for me. The responsibility she now feels that she has on her own which was supposed to be shared with her brother of taking care of her parents as they age. Which will take at least fifty more years before I even start to show signs of aging lol. Now having the grandchild she thought her brother would of had first giving her more time.
One of the things I now know and continue to learn is that death of a child is the most devasting thing that you will ever go through in life and that the love you feel for your child will never go away.
Again to all of the Moms and Dads who have lost children my heart goes out to you.Remember to hold on to your higher power to get through the diffcult moments.
As for myself and my family we are slowly picking our lives back up with the realization that a major part of our family is gone but we know we will see him again one day.
Peace & Blessings